Max Olijnyk

Before we moved to New York, my friend Kashi put the fear of god in me about bed bugs. She told me to keep my suitcase in the bathtub at our Air BnB to avoid infiltration. She explained a complex disrobing and hand washing regime to follow every time you enter your apartment. She warned against purchasing any form of vintage clothing and she told me to never, ever, EVER pick something up off the street.

“That’s why people put it out there: it’s full of bed bugs,” she explained, wide-eyed.

“I get it with mattresses,” I said, “but what about, you know, shoes?”

“Bed bugs love shoes. They’re the first thing they go for,” she said.

“Okay, what about…”

She cut me off. “It doesn’t matter what you’re about to say. It’s not worth the risk. If you pick something up off the street, and take it into your home – your home, where your child lives, Max – you are probably bringing in fucking bed bugs.”

“Okay, okay.”

“And bed bugs will literally ruin your life.”

“Right.”

“I’m deadly serious, Max.”

“I know.”

“You don’t understand how serious I am.”

“I do!”

I intended to follow her instructions, I really did. But ever since we moved here, I’ve been finding all this awesome stuff on the street. It’s sort of cosmic the way it turns out; one minute we’ll be talking about how we need a fruit bowl, then I’ll take Tess for a walk and bang, there’s a fruit bowl sitting in a cardboard box along with some Lonely Planet books.

It’s become a sort of obsession of mine, and in a way I’m glad of the current lockdown because it’s forcing me to chill out on the whole thing. Hopefully when all this is over, I’ll be able to indulge my scavenging passion without getting carried away. Here are some of the free highlights from our first six months in NYC.

$11 cash
Soon after we arrived in New York, I was walking down the beautiful autumnal street near our glamorous, temporary, and very unrealistic West Village apartment, and saw some money fluttering around on the ground. I bent down to pick it up – a ten and a one – and scanned the immediate area. The street was pretty quiet but there were still about a dozen people in my immediate vicinity; there always are in New York. I figured they were all probably rich, and if I called out, “Hey! Who dropped $11?” they would all just say it was theirs. So I spent it on lunch in Chinatown.

Kitchen unit
Outside a building a few doors down from our new apartment in Greenpoint, I found exactly the same kitchen unit as the one we had bought from IKEA the week before. The lady who owned it brought down some more stuff and told me it was fine, but she had just got a slightly better one from IKEA. I asked her if it was the stainless steel one and she said “Yeah!” and I was like, “Maybe by the time we can afford that, you’ll be ready for the next model up,” and she sort of got what I meant. So now we have two of the exact same kitchen units.

Lamp
I would actually pay for this fabulous lamp if I had any money. The base is coated with a reflective gold foil; it’s scratched in places, which makes it better. I love it.

Weird but cool glass-topped table
I found this one the other day, and I’m still not sure how I feel about it.

“What is this table for?” asked Fred, as he noticed it sitting next to the couch.

“I don’t really know,” I replied.

Coffee machine
This isn’t the first coffee machine I’ve found on the street. I’m guessing it’s the kind of thing people upgrade every few years, or maybe their coffee nerd friend tells them their machine isn’t good enough. Having said that, the coffee that comes out of this one tastes a bit strange, so we’ve since gone back to our trusty Aeropress. We’ll use it again if we ever have any visitors. It’s pretty big. Maybe I should put it back out on the street.

Christmas tree
Seeing as we were going to our friends’ house upstate for Christmas (and had no money) we had dismissed the idea of buying a tree for $80 from the stall in the park. But while skating in the industrial area one afternoon, I spotted a perfect one sitting outside a movie set-building business. A Christmas miracle! I carried it home like a skateboarding elf. Of course we had to spend about $60 on decorations and a tree stand, but it was well worth it.

Coffee table
I’m aware this is not a good coffee table; in fact, it’s quite shit. It’s black and boxy, its vinyl covering discoloured and bumpy on the top, and peeling away at the corners. I would’ve left it on the street if I hadn’t been with Fred. I spotted it from a distance and sent him speeding off on his bike to lay dibs on it. When he got there he turned to give me a big excited thumbs up.

Rosie has approved of most of my street finds so as not to hurt my feelings, but she couldn’t feign enthusiasm for this table.

“I’m sorry about the coffee table,” I said later, as we surveyed our increasingly crappy-looking living room. “We’ll get rid of it when we move to the next place.”

“We’ll never get rid of it,” said Rosie. “Fred loves it too much.”

Full-length mirror
We needed a mirror, and I found a mirror. It doesn’t have a stand so we wedged it up with two pieces of wood Rosie found.

Park jacket
I clocked this jacket hanging from a bench in the park one freezing morning while on the school drop-off run. It was still there on my way home, but I reasoned that someone might’ve left it there by accident and would return for it later. It was a good looking jacket – black wool in a bomber style – but I didn’t even slow down to examine it, because I feared being judged by my fellow classy and sophisticated parents.

The jacket was still there that afternoon, so I snagged it. I left it in the freezer for a day or two, then took it to the dry cleaners, and now I wear it quite a bit. It definitely belonged to a homeless person, didn’t it?

Train set
It’s all top-shelf Brio stuff – electric engines, vaulted bridges, a carriage that bobs up and down – and it fits perfectly into the cheap IKEA train set Fred already had. You should’ve seen the look on his face when I waltzed in with it. I really gained some respect that day.

A fully stacked knife block
We had discussed the need for a knife block, and as if by black magic, it appeared. There it was, outside a tenement building, stacked full of sketchy old knives. I knew I was sinking to a new low as I surreptitiously stuffed the block in my tote bag. While I emptied most of the knives in a bin at a nearby laundromat, I turned to see a horrified woman watching me.

A skateboard for Fred
There’s often old gear sitting on the grass at the skatepark, but as I’m uncharacteristically snobby when it comes to skateboards, I rarely indulge. On this day though, there was a lightly worn, weirdly small Real deck complete with mounting bolts (a thoughtful touch), as well as a broken in half Element complete. I stacked them in my backpack and proudly presented them to Fred, who received them with a shrug. Hopefully one day he will appreciate the amazing gift I bestowed upon him, or at least use it as a ramp for his toy cars.

Two bookshelves
I’m quite fond of these. I found them separately over the last couple of months and they instantly slotted into our lives. Their respective designs are also reflective of Rosie and my tastes: mine are all chipped and wannabe New York literary-romantic, like a cheap version of something from a Noah Baumbach film; and Rosie’s are handmade from industrial-grade plywood – perfect for architecture and design books.

Supreme Wallabees
I was on my way home from skating with my friend John one day when I saw an iconic moccasined toe poking out of a trash can.

“Woah,” said John as I plucked them out. “Damn!”

I was too excited to speak. The red box logo shone out from the insole like Wonka’s golden ticket. They were a bit scuffed, sure, but basically brand new. I whipped off my own shoe and tried one on. It slipped on like a glove, Cinderella style.

“Check if there’s anything else in there!” I said. “Maybe there’s more!”

“That’s cool,” said John, “I better get home, anyway.”

“Sure! I mean, bye!” I said.

Rosie screwed up her nose when I returned home and triumphantly displayed my treasure.

“They’re the Supreme ones! Can you believe it?” I gasped.

“Just make sure you give them a good clean,” she said.

I nodded and told her I would. And I will.